Screenshot Archives – Rob the Flake

I have another new type of post today starting a series called the Screenshot Archives – a collection of posts that will come from years worth of capturing my conversations with the idiots I dealt with on a daily basis while online dating.

Today I will start with Rob. I can’t give you any backstory on him because frankly, I don’t remember anything about him. I only know his name because it was saved as “Rob Tinder” in these photos. I DO remember this night though. Let’s analyze this conversation screen by screen.


(To put this on a timeline perspective, this was clearly after the Jorge incident.)
Pay attention to the timestamps through this entire story. He is asking me if I have plans and if I want to do something at 11PM. There’s really only one path this can take from the get-go. Very straightforward so far, let’s continue.


Typical fuckboy move to invite me to do something and have “nothing in mind”. Or maybe a softboy by calling himself a “chameleon”. I decided to call his bluff.


My mood here is clearly not very bothered. Unphased by fuckboy antics at this point. But now he’s pulling the “not inviting himself over but suggesting that you should do it anyways” move.


Me – being a good potential host and taking inventory of the alcohol I’m willing to share.


Him – being really weird about the details of this plan that should be very simple.


I mean, I guess I appreciate that he wasn’t making any assumptions here but how dense do you have to be?


At this point I’m sending these screenshots to my friend here because I’m like “what the fuck is this guy’s problem?” Why are you thinking about meeting a potential client at 11:45PM? Why are you talking to me about or even THINKING about your other potential plans? We were at the point of solidifying arrangements and you’re still asking if you should come over.


Holy shit dude, do I really have to walk you through this whole thing? At this point I’m visibly annoyed. He’s wasted an hour hemming and hawing about irrelevant details. “On my way” should mean that you’re in the damn car.


DUDE. Why would I care about your means of transportation? And why are you debating your morals on drunk driving at me?


WHAT. THE. FUCK. You tell me 30 minutes after you are supposedly on your way (when you should be arriving) that you decided to “drink some water and relax” ??????? It is one o’clock in the goddamn morning and you think I’m still down to hang? Think again, buddy.


Now you’re stalking me on Facebook, great.


This kind of shitty move gets really old fast, so I don’t have problems calling it out anymore. I don’t remember if he answered back after that, since that is the end of what I screen captured, but it was probably some form of grovely apology.

Does anyone have a good name for this type of game that people play? I couldn’t think of anything witty, and the best one I’ve seen so far is “torpedo strategy”.

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