Jorge was meant to be just another Tinder hookup. He turned out to be the worst fucking bad luck omen ever.
Let’s rewind a bit.
The very first time I was supposed to meet up with Jorge was for drinks at a local bar. We had established the plans the day before the scheduled date, but as I was driving home from work that night, it started raining.
“UGH I HATE DRIVING TO DATES IN THE RAIN”, I thought to myself. I have to find an umbrella to save my hair and makeup, wear shoes that won’t soak through so I won’t freeze to death, clothes that will dry quickly, all while still trying to look cute.
I should have listened to my gut, or maybe the lazy part of my brain that wants to cancels plans at the slightest inconvenience. Jorge was like, really hot though… so I decided to suck it up and meet him. He was braving the weather in a motorcycle, so I could manage.
The first thing I noticed when I got outside was that it was raining extremely hard. One of those flash-Florida-mini-hurricane thunderstorms. Cue more inner whining.
But I’ve lived in Florida the majority of my life. I know how to drive in this mess, it’s a normal occurrence.
When I turned out of my neighborhood, I could barely see the lines on the road. I was increasingly doubtful about this plan. The rain was actually getting a little intense.
I made it to the first light, a busy intersection on a divided highway, cursing the weather the entire time. I saw cars stalled on the other side of the road where it sloped towards the drainage ditch. The street was starting to fill up with water, fast.
When the light turned green, I started to change lanes to avoid the water on the right hand side of the road, but THE SUV IN FRONT OF ME STOPPED. Rule #1 of driving in flooded Florida streets is NEVER APPLY THE BRAKES. You just GO.
I felt my engine die.
I sat there in silence, listening to the soft waves of water sloshing against my car, gently rocking me back and forth as I floated down the middle of this major road.
I felt panicked but also strangely calm considering my situation. I didn’t really know what to do next so I texted Jorge, “uhh, I flooded my car, I’m stuck on the road.” Part of me naively thought maybe he would be my knight in shining armor and come help pull me out of the road.
He texts back, “So you’re not coming then?”
Moral of the story – don’t total your car for a dick.
In case you wanted to know what happened to me and my car, the nice people who had already flooded their car pushed mine to the side of the road for me so I didn’t have to get water inside as well. Then my coworker that lived nearby came to pick me up (the water had dissipated as local worker crews came and unclogged the sewer drains) and I left my poor shell of a car to dry out in the grocery store parking lot. She didn’t make it.
I’d also like to add for those of you that are thinking it – I’m not an idiot. First of all, I drove a Toyota Celica which is a sporty lowrider car. The SUV in front of me was fine in the water, he had about 12-18 inches of height on me. Secondly, I’ve successfully driven through deep puddles before, I just didn’t stop in the middle of them like the SUV did. This rain also flooded the entire bottom floor of the local college’s library, so it was a freak occurrence I just had the misfortune of driving through.
What is the stupidest thing you’ve ever done for a date?